the delayed echo

people treat adhd like it is just being hyper and silly. it is not. it is the feeling of starving because your brain is too paralysed to get up and make a sandwich. it is the executive dysfunction that makes the simplest tasks feel like climbing everest.

but the hardest part is the emotional lag. my grandfather is terminally ill right now, and i find that a lot of the time i’m only just now feeling the weight of when i first found out. reality takes a long time to hit me, and sometimes it takes even longer than that.

it’s a constant struggle because i won’t react “appropriately” in the moment. imagine being in the hospital with your grandad and just being completely dumbfounded with what to say, even though you could have a full-blown conversation with them not too long ago.

when someone asks if i’m okay, in the moment, the answer is yes. but when i get home and my brain finally makes room for those emotions to come in, it’s a completely different story.

i struggle to say “i love you” to those i love as well.

people mistake that neurological lag for ungratefulness or apathy, and it hurts. i love the people around me; i just wish my brain could express it in real-time.