digital footprints & dopamine loops
found this old video clip while digging through my folders today. digging through my drive is always a dangerous game, half the time you find something genuinely useful, half the time you find something that makes you want to delete your entire digital footprint.
watching this one back hit me in a pretty weird way. the guy in the clip is just ranting about how hard it is to do basic human tasks, like getting up to make food, because the motivation just isn’t there. he’s talking about that classic loop where you’re physically hungry, but your brain is so locked into chasing a dopamine hit from something else that actually getting up feels like climbing mount everest.
hearing it laid out like that was wild, because it’s exactly the loop i used to get stuck in. you’re sitting there, totally paralyzed, watching the hours pass while you hyperfixate on something completely random. i’ve had phases where i’d hyperfixate on my health, promise myself i’d be consistent, and then crash two days later because the mental energy to function just vanished. it used to feel debilitating, and the guilt that comes with failing at simple stuff is the worst part.
but looking back at it now, i view it a lot more positively. seeing it laid out raw makes you realize you aren’t just lazy or broken. recognizing that it’s just how my brain is wired takes a lot of the pressure off. these days i just roll with it. i’ve stopped fighting it so hard and just ride the random bursts of energy when they actually show up, instead of stressing when they fade. consistency is still a nightmare, but at least i’ve stopped beating myself up over it. i’ll upload the clip later. probably not.
